on point ๐Ÿ‘Œ (at Hip City Veg)

on point ๐Ÿ‘Œ (at Hip City Veg)

beyond blessed that I’ve always been able to call this place home ๐ŸŒŠ (at Brigantine Cove)

beyond blessed that I’ve always been able to call this place home ๐ŸŒŠ (at Brigantine Cove)

The update.

Well now it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I haven’t posted regularly or even responded to messages in over a year.ย It feels like a lifetime ago. I know that this tumblr, veganslikeitraw, seems like just a foodie/vegan blog, but to me, it was a huge part of my life. It was the first thing I did when I woke up in the morning and the last thing before I went to bed. I feel like I was part of such an awesome and community here, and sharing my thoughts with you guys and visa-versa seriously helped shaped my life in ways I never thought possible. It may sound a little extreme, but it’s wholeheartedly true.ย 

Even though I dropped of the face of the earth/tumblr world within what seemed like a few weeks, I still receive(d) messages almost daily. Messages asking where I’ve been, if I’m ok, and even general questions about veganism/raw. I felt like you all were are my friends, supporters, and guiders in ways, and that I let you all down. I’m pretty positive most may not care for an explanation, but I feel as though I owe you one regardless.ย 

I think it all started when I broke up with my ex boyfriend of two and a half years in February 2013. I won’t get into details, but basically it rocked my whole world upsidedown sideways. After the breakup I found myself lost, heartbroken and without the best friend I’ve always had by my side. It was my own fault and I was the one who wanted it to end. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. I gave up a near amazing relationship with the best friend I’ve ever had at the time, a routine that was familiar to me, and chose to leap into the unknown land of singleness.ย For too long I wasn’t happy, and I knew that those were the challenges I had to accept in order to move on and to truly be happy.ย After the breakup, I started connecting with old friends I wasn’t permitted to see for so long, and was invited with open arms back into my old friend group as well as my old lifestyle (before I met my ex and before veganism.) It all happened so quickly, and before I knew it I was drinking every weekend, partying with friends I haven’t seen in ages, meeting tons of new friends at college due to the fact that I could actually goย to parties and other social events, all on top of managing my school work and finals.

Since I was so busy hanging with friends, school, and just the lifestyle I was living, my health took a serious toll. I was only eating a green machine naked juice, a kind bar, and half a macadamia nut clif bar a day. Insane, right? I completely stopped making an effort to make super healthy meals, or meals at all for that matter because a) I was never home and b) at the time I was too preoccupied with the excitement of my “new life” and newfound freedom.ย ย I was probably eating less than 1000 cals a day, and my body reflected that. I was at my lowest weight ever, which at the time I thought was awesome, but I had barely any energy and definitely wasn’t capable of running or working out at all. I was living my life more than I have in years; going to concerts, going to crazy parties, meeting awesome new people, just finally letting myself be “free”, and then my dad got sick. By sick, I mean tried to end his life. There’s a backstory to why he did it and everything, but for the sake of his privacy, having to relive it, and the length of this post, I’ll spare those details. It completely shook my families life for the entire summer. I stopped going out as much, and started actually eating again. Except by eating, I mean losing control of my relationship with food. Due to the fact that I ate so little calories for so long, I binged ate basically every meal once I started trying to make myself actual food again. At the time, I didn’t understand what was happening or why I couldn’t stop uncontrollably stuffing my face. All I knew was that I wasn’t happy and didn’t feel good, at all. I longed for the time I was vibrant enough to run 11 miles and wake up at 6am without wanting to hit snooze. The worst part is, this went on for nearly 6 months.ย 

That fall was the roughest and lowest time in my entire life. I knew I had and eating disorder, and the feeling of not having control over myself combined with how shitty I felt all the time dug me into a depression I felt I’d never get out of. I cried every single day, dropped one of my classes and only took online ones so I didn’t have to physically go to class. I didn’t workout, I gained 10 pounds, I felt like shit, and generally contemplated if live was worth living anymore. And then he came along.ย ย 

I fell in love with my best friend of 5 years, someone I met through mutual rowing friends in high school and someone I’ve stayed close to after graduating. It’s a long story how it all happened, but I feel like he ended up saving me from myself. He truly is an amazing person. He helped take care of me in times of need, listened to me cry a countless number of times, and gave me tough love when I truly needed it. He’s the reason I actually feel inspired to write this today. He got me through my winter break, a surgery I had in January, all the way up to motivating me to make it to the Dean’s list this past semester. I don’t know what the future holds with him, but I know I can never repay him for what he’s done for me over these past few months.ย 

Where am I at today?ย Today I currently am on my path back to finding myself again. For work, I serve food and drinks by the pool at an architecturally beautiful/very bankrupt casino in Atlantic City. I no longer binge eat, and am working my way back to eating in a holistically healthy/balanced way again and getting back into yoga and exercise. Like the Relient K song, who I am hates who I’ve been, and I’m determined to change that, and for all I know it already has. For the first time in a long time I feel like I’m finally on my way back up, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the things I’ve learned about life, love, loss, and most importantly, myself, along the way. If you made it this far, thank you for listening, I’ve missed you, and I’m happy we’re here.ย 

Love always,ย 

Amanda.ย 

Morning green smoothie packed with spinach, kale, blueberries and bananas to help get me through this crazy day ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜

Morning green smoothie packed with spinach, kale, blueberries and bananas to help get me through this crazy day ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜

๐Ÿ’€

๐Ÿ’€

Let me introduce myself

1. The meaning behind my URL
2. A picture of me
3. Tattoos I have
4. Last time I cried and why
5. Piercings I have
6. Favorite Band
7. Biggest turn off(s)
8. Top 5 (insert subject)
9. Tattoos I want
10. Biggest turn on(s)
11. Age
12. Ideas of a perfect date
13. Life goal(s)
14. Piercings I want
15. Relationship status
16. Favorite movie
17. A fact about my life
18. Phobia
19. Middle name
20. Anything you want to ask

(Source: novltea, via lubinita)

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

i miss you tumblr.

and you guys.

and even a bit of my old life.

i'm amanda.
animals, being healthy, yoga and food are just a few of my favorite things.
mostly raw, always vegan.

instagram: amanda__hartman

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